THE VERDICCH

THE VERDICT (1982)
dir: Sidney Lumet

THE VERDICCH
MAD #239, June 1983
w: Stan Hart
a: Angelo Torres

Frank Galvin (Paul Newman) is an alcoholic lawyer who hasn't won a case or been to trial for years, and turns it down in a malpractice settlement in favor of taking the suit to court out of pride and proving he can win.

The parody opens with references to other movies that were around at the time. Tootsie, which was also spoofed in MAD, starred Dustin Hoffman as an actor who appeared in drag to get a part in a soap, 48 Hrs was a good cop/bad cop comedy/action movie with Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy, Six Weeks had Dudley Moore and Mary Tyler-Moore as the parents of a girl with cancer, Clint Eastwood had been in dozens of movies at that point, and Ben Kingsley did a biopic of Gandhi.

Frank Galvin goes to funeral homes to try and get clients, but gets kicked out. His former partner Mickey (Jack Warden) tries to help him with a settlement from a hospital he would get a percentage of. A young woman was given anaesthesia during childbirth at a Catholic hospital and choked on her own vomit which has rendered her comatose.

Her family has been given the settlement by the hospital, which Frank refuses despite the protests of her sister and brother-in-law (Roxanne Hart, James Handy) because he thinks the case should be tried. He's at great odds with the church. He meets Laura (Charlotte Rampling) at a bar and gets involved with her.

The hospital's attorney Ed Conannon (James Mason) is better prepared and has a bigger team behind him. The bishop (Edward Binns) wants to stop Frank.

The bishop's office has pictures of Ayatollah Khomeini, Menachem Begin, and Jerry Falwell.

While Mr. Concannon tries to butter up the judge (Milo O'Shea), Frank is confronted by the woman's family who would have taken the settlement and don't think he can win. Frank unsuccessfully tries to get witnesses and confides to Laura that he thinks he'll lose. He finally gets a doctor (Joe Seneca) to testify.

Frank tries to get more witnesses and finds out Laura has been giving inside information to Ed Concannon.

Jack Warden was also in another courtroom drama, And Justice for All, with Al Pacino.

Frank slaps Laura after finding out he's been betrayed. In the courtroom, he gets Kaitlin Costello (Lindsay Crouse), a nurse in the case, to testify that she had the patient eat an hour in advance and falsify the record. This wins the case.

VERA'S CRUZ

VERA CRUZ (1954)
dir: Robert Aldrich

VERA'S CRUZ
MAD #24, July 1955
w: Harvey Kurtzman
a: Jack Davis

The very first movie parody from MAD as a magazine, when they were trying to be more like a version of Look or Saturday Evening Post than what they became. Kurtzman had wanted to go beyond what the thought was too restrictive and juvenile as a comic book, and you can tell in the later issues he was trying to subvert the magazine form. When they started, their articles were intended to be like magazine articles rather than comedy sketches on paper.

During the Franco-Mexican War, ex-Confederate soldier Ben Trane (Gary Cooper) travels to Mexico seeking a job as a mercenary. He falls in with Joe Erin (Burt Lancaster), a younger gunslinger who heads a gang of cutthroats.

They are recruited by Marquis Henri de Labordere (Cesar Romero) for service with Emperor Maximilian (George Macready). Maximilian offers them $25,000 to escort the Countess Duvarre (Denise Darcel) to the city of Veracruz. Trane gets the emperor to double the offer. During a river crossing, Trane notices that the stagecoach in which the countess is traveling is extremely heavy. Erin and Trane later discover that hidden inside are six cases of gold coins. The countess informs them that it is worth $3 million which is intended to pay for reinforcements from Europe. They form an uneasy alliance to steal and split the gold. Unbeknownst to them, the marquis is listening from the shadows.

The Juaristas, led by General Ramírez (Morris Ankrum), attack the column several times. Pickpocket and Juarista undercover agent Nina (Sarita Montiel) joins the convoy. When Trane, Erin and their men are surrounded by the Juaristas, Trane persuades Ramirez to join forces and agree to pay them $100,000. The marquis succeeds in getting the gold to Veracruz. In the Juarista attack, the French are defeated, but most of Erin's men are killed. Erin attempts to steal the gold for himself by getting the countess to reveal the location of the ship she had hired to transport it. He even kills one of his own men. However, Trane arrives in time to confront him. They face off in a showdown that ends in Erin's death. Trane and Nina leave, while women search the dead for their loved ones.

V-V-VENOM!

VENOM (1981)
dirs: Piers Haggard, Tobe Hooper

V-V-VENOM!
Crazy #90, September 1982
w: Stu Schwartzberg
a: Kent Gamble

Not to be mistaken for the Spider-Man movie. British horror film involving snakes and a kidnapping. Philip (Lance Holcomb) is a boy whose hobby is snakes, his mother is going away and has asked the grandfather, Howard Anderson (Sterling Hayden), to watch after him. While she is gone, the maid Louise (Susan George) and her boyfriend Jacmel (Klaus Kinski) have decided to take the boy hostage and Louise has seduced the chauffer Dave (Oliver Reed) so he can help them with their plot.

Philip goes to the pet store to get a snake for his collection against the protests and the maid, because Philip has to be at home when Jacmel arrives. Philip goes anyway, but we find out his snake was mixed up with the deadly black mamba, which was to be delivered to the local institute, and the mix-up is discovered by Dr. Stowe (Sarah Miles).

The kidnapping plot goes awry when the black mamba snake bites Louise, taking her life before Dr. Stowe can arrive with the antidote. Dave accidentally shoots a cop. Howard used to be a hunter and can find the mamba snake and hunt it down, but the kidnappers don't want it to interfere with their plot.

The police and everyone outside assume Louise is still alive, and Jacmel uses these false pretenses to lure Dr. Stowe in and hold her hostage as well, and cuts off Louise's fingers to give to the police making them think they;re Dr. Stowe's fingers and that he means business.

The black mamba snake gets Jacmel just as the police shoot him so it's assumed they got both him and the snakes, but while the snake was in the house, it reproduced. So the film ends with a “The End?”-type ending.

VAGUE-$

VEGA$
1978-1981 ABC

VAGUE-$
MAD #210, October 1979
w: Dick DeBartolo
a: Angelo Torres

This was a detective series set in Las Vegas about Dan Tanna (Robert Urich), mostly working for celebrities and solving casino and entertainment cases. He drove around town in a Ford Thunderbird.

One of his secretaries was Angie (Judy Landers) who also worked as a showgirl.

Tony Curtis also appeared occasionally as client Phillip Roth.

A contact at the police office was sergeant Bella Archer (Naomi Stevens). Dan's assistant was Binzer (Bart Braverman), who was also a pool cleaner.

Dave Nelson (Greg Morris) was another comtact at the police office.

Beatrice Travis (Phyllis Davis) was Dan's main secretary, and also a showgirl.

VAGUE$T
Crazy #53, August 1979
w: Murad Gumen
a: Kent Gamble

Some of the pictures of Dan Tanner look like they're swiped from caricatures of other actors. In one panel he kind of looks like Warren Beatty even though Urich and Beatty don't look alike.

David Brenner is the comedian Dan bumps into. The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast a/k/a Man of the Hour was a series of TV specials on the 70s where Jimmy Stewart, Liz Taylor, and Red Buttons were frequent roasters

“He never got a dinner” was Red Buttons' catchphrase during the roasts. Ruth Buzzi was another frequent roaster. Usually as her character Gladys Ormphby.

VALLEY OF THE DOLLARS

VALLEY OF THE DOLLS (1967)
dir: Mark Robson

VALLEY OF THE DOLLARS
MAD #121, September 1968
w: Larry Siegel
a: Mort Drucker

Based on a book by Jacqueline Susann.

Anne Welles (Barbara Parkins) leaves her small new England town and moves to New York, getting a job as a secretary at a theatrical agency and soon starts dating her boss' partner Lyon Burke (Paul Burke). The agency represents Broadway star Helen Lawson (Susan Hayward, shown later in the parody), who fires Neely O'Hara (Patty Duke) from her upcoming show for fear of being upstaged. Anne and Neely become friends. Anne and Lyon have dinner with Neely and her husband Mel (Marty Milner). At the restaurant is lounge singer Tony Polar (Tonny Scotti) singing to Jennifer North (Sharon Tate), an actress who gets by on looks more than talent.

As the womens' careers rise, Neely finds herself becoming a star just as difficult as the singer that fired her. Jennifer marries Tony and becomes an actress in French art films, though living under the supervision of Tony's domineering sister Miriam (Lee Grant). Anne becomes a TV spokesmodel for perfumes. Lyon leaves Anne to try and become a writer.

Anne (it's Jennifer in the movie) goes to visit Neely, who's addicted to pills and booze, and Mel walks out on her after not being able to stand her belligerence. Tony has a muscular disorder, which his sister has been hiding from Jennifer, so he must he be hospitalized and she's pregnant with their baby. She needs to get an abortion, finds out she has cancer, and overdoses on pills.

Neely has checked into rehabilitation, and while at the hospital sees a disabled Tony Polar and tries to reach out to him with his hit “Come Live With Me” (see clip below).

The parody has an appearance by director Mark Robson with MPAA head Jack Valenti. Jacqueline Susann has a part as a reporter when the press comes to the hotel where Jennifer North is found dead.

Later, Neely O'Hara gets in a fight with Helen Lawson at a charity event, ripping off Helen's wig and flushing it down the toilet.

The movie ends with Anne, after a bout with pill addiction herself and moving back home after realizing the insanity of show business.

There was a sequel to this film in name only, written by Roger Ebert and directed by Russ Meyer, a subtle spoof of the "power corrupts" genre.

VALLEY CHICK

VALLEY GIRL (1983)
dir: Martha Coolidge

VALLEY CHICK
MAD #258, October 1985
w: Arnie Kogen
a: Mort Drucker
from MAD's Academy Awards for Teenage Films in the category of “Dopiest Story Lines in the History of Motion Pictures”, featuring Nicolas Cage and Deborah Foreman. Weird category considering it's based on Romeo and Juliet.

IN THE OUT EXIT

UP THE DOWN STAIRCASE (1967)
dir: Robert Mulligan

IN THE OUT EXIT
MAD #118, January 1968
w: Stan Hart
a: Mort Drucker

The film is called that because the teacher the movie focuses on, Sylvia Barrett (Sandy Dennis), enters the school the wrong way on her first day. She's immediately burdened with forms and regulations by the front officer (Jean Stapleton) and is inexperienced dealing with the problem children of her classroom.

The bottom panel has James Franciscus as Mr. Novak and Sidney Poitier from To Sir, With Love, two other actors from the “cool teacher” genre prevalent in the sixties.

Miss Barrett makes friends with the other teachers during lunch, such as Henrietta Pastorfield (Eileen Eckhardt) and the principal Dr. Bester (Sorrell Booke). Mr. McHabe (Roy Poole), brings in Joe Ferone (Jeff Howard), a truant under-achieving delinquent.

Paul Berringer (Patrick Bedford) is a teacher that hits on Miss Barrett. She has a student who's abused at home who she takes to the nurse, who isn't allowed to touch the students.

Miss Barrett sees potential in Joe Ferone and tries to get through to him but he only pulls weapons on her, and she later looks up his school record.

Alice (Ellen O'Mara) is a student in love with Mr. Barringer and tries to express it through a poem, but he only corrects her grammar, so she jumps out a window. Miss Barrett has an open house and Joe is the only one to show up without parents.

Joe tries to move in on Miss Barrett after all the parents leave but she rebuffs him and the incident scares her into resigning after the semester ends. After continuing and finding she changed the lives of the rest of her students, she decides to stay after all.

THROW UP THE ACADEMY

UP THE ACADEMY (1980)
dir: Robert Downey

Probably because of the success National Lampoon had with Animal House, MAD decided they should do a movie, but instead of producing it and having their writers concieve one, they put their name on a comedy that was already in production. It closed on its opening weekend, two of the actors took their names off, and MAD was ashamed and and they took their name off any video release as well. This two-page parody was their apology for it in place of their letters section.

MAD #218, October 1980
w: Stan Hart
a: Angelo Torres

MAD artist Jack Rickard had done a few dozen movie posters for comedies in the “chicken fat” style, the kind where everything that happens in the movie takes place on the poster. I don't know if they or the studio chose him.

A mafia boss has a son who misbehaves (Ralph Macchio), The son of an oil shiek that is constantly stealing (Tommy Citera), the son of a Farrakhanesque preacher who fools around with his stepmother (Wendell Brown), and the son of a mayoral candidate, Oliver, that got his girlfriend pregnant (Hutch Parker) are all sent to a military academy.

They must have thought their strict instructor at Weinberg Academy (Ron Liebman) saying “Say it again..” over and over would catch on among water coolers and high schools everywhere but the few who saw it were probably annoyed. Their head instructor (Barbara Bach) was to sexy for the students, some of whom masturbated in class. They frame the instructor by getting Oliver's girlfriend (Stacy Nelkin) to seduce him, creating a scandal that gets them all expelled. She's drawn as a different person than the one the splash page,

The imitation of foreigners and sex with underage girls could not be what turned audiences off, since those things were still acceptable then. Most likely the creepy prosthetic Alfred E. Neuman in the beginning and end credits and ads is what scared people away.

Here's another example of the humor from the movie.